With a trailer that has more than 52 million views on YouTube (making it the most-watched video of 2014), the Fifty Shades of Grey film adaptation is probably the most anticipated movie of the year. As the Twilight fan-fiction-based love story premieres in selected cinemas tonight and worldwide tomorrow, the reviews from the lucky film critics who got to preview it are starting to come in.
Here are some of the reviews… and spoiler alert, it’s mostly bad.
‘The blame begins with James’s artless, witless source material… that explains the maddening way its adult characters behave like dopey teenagers… Anastasia is another Bella Swan (Twilight), though with even bigger daddy issues.’
Rafer Guzman, Newsday
‘More than once, we find Christian mournfully playing the piano, the instrument that’s lazy shorthand for emotional depth.’
Sara Stewart, The New York Post
‘If the Red Room was full of enormous vats of raspberry jelly, maybe that could engender some shock.’
Jordan Hoffman, The Guardian
‘Sitting through the turgid and tedious S&M melodrama that is Fifty Shades of Grey may feel like its own form of torture … [Jamie] Dornan spends most of his time frowning while [Dakota] Johnson stares vacantly and bites her lip. Clearly, she went to the Kristen Stewart School of Acting.’
Claudia Puig, USA Today
‘There have been perfume commercials with more depth and story arc.’
‘Most viewers will be seeking a safe word to escape this two-hour-plus mess of half-baked excess.’
Eric Kohn, Indiewire
‘In the blackout between the final lines of dialogue (“Anastasia!” “Christian!”) and the first breathy notes of the last Beyoncé song — a lot of the audience burst out laughing.’
AO Scott, New York Times
Harsh, right? But before we take the word of these snarky film critics, we’ll give Fifty Shades a chance. Especially since there is one very important review that needs to be considered:
Girls night watching a private screening of Fifty Shades of Grey!!!!!! OMG it’s sooooo good!!!!!
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) February 4, 2015