I’ve always had a thing for older men. DILFS would however, remain unexplored territory for me until I just entered my twenties. One of my friends went on a failed date (they had met through a dating site); and suggested that I maybe give the guy a chance. She showed me a couple of pictures and I was sold. He was 57 and I was 22. Our first date was electric. He was refined, intelligent and intuitive. Everything that guys my age weren’t. Spending time with him was exhilarating. I’ve never had much confidence and I always second-guessed myself. So needless to say when he took me to bed the first time, I was tense, nervous and unsure. It’s a horrible feeling having sex with someone in that space. When you on the fence: you really want it; but you really don’t. But during the several weeks of our sexual love affair with this older man, I learned many things about myself, and about life. These things I take with me and treasure.

How to forget about my imperfections

In the bedroom, he was careful, patient and took his time. He enjoyed all the parts of me that I hated. He loved my big bum with all its wobbliness. He loved kissing my tummy, although there were stretch marks. And despite these things that always caused me a great amount of anxiety, he made me really enjoy sex. This was the first thing that he taught me. He taught me not to worry about my body. He taught me that my cellulite, and imperfect skin didn’t define my sexuality. It’s not that I suddenly embraced my imperfections – no not at all. It was more a case of forgetting about them for a while and allowing myself to enjoy my body with someone else.

How to appreciate my youth

I remember the third or fourth time we slept together so well. It was like some veil had dropped and the natural stiffness between two strangers started disappearing. With something close to urgency, he would hungrily devour me. One night when we were in bed after sex, in one another’s arms, cheeks still flushed and sweaty; I told him about all the places I want to see – about climbing the slopes of Machu Picchu, about exploring the deserts of Namibia and getting fit enough to climb Table Mountain. He had a sad, almost disappointed sparkle in his eye and then I realised something. He would never keep up with me. He would never be quite as active and energetic as me. He would never be quite as excited about traveling as me. So many things I yearned to do and see, were things he had already done and seen several times over.

How to let someone else take the lead

At that stage of my life I was very headstrong and independent. I was working while studying and liked to pay my way as far as I could. Of course my parents helped me a lot but I didn’t allow anyone else infringe my sense of self-reliance. Having a love affair with an older man however, can turn out to be very expensive. I wanted to drink the fancy wine he liked, I wanted to eat good food and see beautiful places and there was no way I could afford it at that age. Over time I learned to swallow my pride and let go and let him spoil me. I knew what some people would think: he’s her sugar daddy. And you know what? I didn’t give a damn. I knew it would be a short-lived experience, and I was having so much fun. And in the end, I learned one of the most important life lessons:

How to choose better partners

It might sound strange, but he set the bar very high for me. The sex was phenomenal. The dates were first class every time. And the romance and conversation were stimulating, erotic and deep. This isn’t something that most guys can achieve. I realised that with this man, years definitely brought with it experience. After our affair ended things changed when I saw other men. Suddenly coffee dates and talking about series didn’t seem quite as thrilling as talking about philosophy in front of a fireplace. Having a drink at Stones wasn’t as fun as long walks through the city at night. He taught me how to feel confident and sexy and wanted; and he created a world of romance for me. Through him I learned how a man should always make me feel.