Sex is sex – there is no act that is exclusive to one type of sexual orientation or identity, and safe, consensual sex is applicable and important to everyone. There is sex advice that can be applied to any sexual orientation and gender identity. We’ve rounded up 13 sex tips from people of all genders and sexual preferences that everyone should know, to make your sex hotter. Because good sex is good sex, and everyone likes good sex.
1. Tell your partner what you want
‘Your partner is not psychic (probably), and they cannot read your mind (also probably). TELL them what feels good. Don’t fake anything because then they’ll keep doing that thing you hate.’ – La Viola Viva Ward
2. Penetration is not the only end goal
‘It’s okay not to like penetration, even though heterosexual porn (even lesbian porn made for straight guys to get off on) has told you for years that the end goal of all sex is penetration.’ – Kaden Shook
3. Heterosexual sex is not the only kind of sex
‘Your concepts of virginity, intercourse and hooking up are yours to define. Remember that the way you feel is more real than any gender role will ever be.’ – Dana Vigue
4. Love lube
‘Heterosexual propaganda has given you a really unrealistic idea of how penetration works and you should be using about 500% more lube otherwise it’ll HURT.’ – Kayla Bashe
5. Consent is sexy to everyone
‘Girls love consent. Guys love consent. Everyone loves consent. It’s hot. Always ask. Be inches away from their lips and ask if you can kiss them. Slide your fingers across the edge of their waistband and ask if you can touch them. Trust me, it’s awesome. And it’s chill if they say no. That’s why you asked. Duh.’ – Jessica Esteves
6. Start small (with dildos we mean)
‘When using a sex toy for the first time, start out small … and use plenty of lube. Take it slow, and don’t rush yourself or your partner. You’ll regret it if you do.’ – Katie Grosso
7. Foreplay is bae: don’t neglect it!
‘I honestly wish someone had taught me foreplay. I didn’t learn about it until much later in life and I just assumed (from watching porn) that people were horny and ready to go!’ – Mike Kimball
8. Feedback is not selfish
‘I hear a lot of people feel weird about giving feedback [during oral sex] because they think they’re being selfish or making sex too much about them. First: your body is involved. This sex is partially about you. Second, feedback is about your partner, not just about you.’ – AE Osworth, writing for Autostraddle
9. ‘I’m coming’ doesn’t mean go faster
‘Every person is different, of course, but in general the best thing to do is exactly what you were doing to get your partner “almost there” in the first place, instead of switching or going faster/harder – which actually requires a lot of concentration and focus. Like pretty much all of your concentration and focus.’ – AE Osworth, writing for Autostraddle
10. It’s also okay if you don’t want to have sex.
Remember this: you do not have to have sex. Ever.
11. Don’t let anyone (including yourself) shame you for what you like
‘Try to separate your judgement of sexual acts from society’s views. Being a “bottom” is not shameful or de-masculinising; if it’s something you like, that’s great. Don’t let society or your partner tell you you’re somehow lesser or weaker because you’re the one being penetrated. Remember: without a bottom there is no top.’ – via Buzzfeed
12. If you’re doing anal…
‘Prep with a butt plug an hour or two before anal. Your body gets used to feeling full and the stimulation, and you’ll minimise pain during sex. Plus, it helps get you mentally prepared and in the mood.’ – summeramanouchi
13. Don’t think too hard
‘Your body was born knowing how to have sex like it knows how to eat and knows how to walk. You might find if you stop thinking so hard, a lot of this could come naturally!’ – via Autostraddle